The Prince and the Pea
by Moonofwinds
Summary: Fai is a prince in this alternate universe. After everyone else has tested the bed he is whining about and have proclaimed its comfort, what will his bodyguard Kurogane do to help. Fai/ Kurogane


The Prince and the Pea

Disclaimer: If I owned Tsubasa I would get paid a thousand times more than what I do now. Oh and I am not Japanese. Since I am not getting paid for this, I think we're good.

Warnings: Yaoi, Fai/ Kurogane, alternate universe, etc.

Author's Note: This story is so loosely based on the Princess and the Pea that it really isn't relevant.

Across the vast palace servants race about as quickly as they can in the hopes to remain unseen. Breakfast had just been served and it was already proving to be a disaster. The prince was not in a good mood. It was not to say that Prince Fai had a habit of tormenting servants when his mood was foul, but he did mope so completely that it was a general opinion amongst the servants that if he got any moodier it would start storming outside.

Only last week the prince had whined and moaned and pleaded with his father the King to get a new bed to replace his "minuscule" old one. The double sized bed had not been big enough for the willowy aristocrat and after much fuss the king had relented and only the previous day had the bed arrived. Apparently, this new bed was not to the prince's liking.

"It's uncomforable!" Prince Fai whined to his father letting his lip droop in a pout.

"I spent a small fortune on that bed, you spoiled brat!" His Majesty growled. "You will spend more than a night before attempting to discard it."

"But I can't sleep!" Fai whined louder.

"Enough!" The King order sternly. "I will hear no more of this.

Whatever the king might have said Fai was not convinced to obey is father, and rather set out to prove the horrible torture device that was his bed. Every servant in the palace was afraid of being conscripted to try the bed, and all were afraid of the task. Prince Fai's maids had already been made to try out the bed, and all and been in awe of the comfort, if only they had beds like that for themselves. Their answers were, of course not what the prince had wanted to hear.

The blond maniac was prowling the corridors of the palace snatching everyone he could to test the bed. The latest victims of the prince were visiting friends, Princess Sakura and her escort Syaoran. They were in the prince's rooms this very moment, red with embarrassment and the lay far apart of the huge fluffy bed, both were desperate not to make eye contact.

"I don't see how this bed can be uncomfortable, Fai," Princess Sakura said as she got of the bed and still avoided eye contact with Syaoran.

"I agree with the Princess," Syaoran added with his face as red as a beep. "Your new bed is very comfortable Prince Fai."

"Ooo out!" Fai growled, not at all meanly and pointed to the door. He had a huge pout of his face.

The princess and her escort fled quickly, not intimidated by Fai's lack of diplomacy. They hurried down the corridor before they both started laughing. The young pair clutched their sides as they giggled and laughed hysterically. Sakura recovered first: "Poor Fai is so desperate to prove his point, I feel sorry for him."

"Perhaps he's only finally lost his mind," Syaoran replied, thinking briefly back to being on the bed with Sakura again and his blush returned full force. Sakura gave him a strange look, and Syaoran only blushed further.

And so Prince Fai continued on his rampage, not a soul was spared. Even her Majesty the queen was forced to test the bed. Not a single tester had any complaints. Her Majesty patted her son on the head and said with a size. "I swear you would complain if there was a pea in you bed. You are simply being fussy, your father has bought you a lovely bed."

That said, Prince Fai went to bed and tossed and turned desperate to sleep, but some how miserably uncomfortable. It didn't matter which way he turned, the prince simply could not get comfortable. Late the next morning Fai finally dragged himself out of bed his pale hair a mess, and a very unhappy look on his face. He grumbled through his bath. He grumbled as he dressed. Much to the displeasure of the king, Prince Fai grumbled on through breakfast.

"I don't want to hear another word!" His Majesty demanded. "Go for a walk, a very long walk and get out of my hair."

Fai pouted and fussed, he was a true drama queen, but collected his favorite body guard, a gift from Princess Tomoyo, and went off for a stroll. The prince hung all over Kurogane causing the bodyguard to growl and struggle incessantly. To the great pleasure of all the land keepers and servants on the ground, Fai seemed to be in a far better mood.

"Give me a piggy back ride, Kuro-poo!" Fai demanded with a grin

"No!" Kurogane struggled to get away. "I'm your body guard not a horse!"

"I don't want a horsey back ride!" Fai correct Kurogane. "I want a piggy back ride!"

"I am not your pig!" Kurogane shouted.

The pair continued their stroll in the gardens and parks of the palace grounds. Fai leaped onto Kurogane's back only to be thrown off; Kurogane threw Fai off, only for Fai to jump right back up again. From a safe distance many servants and guards observed and had a good laugh while they were at it. For whatever reason the prince had a special place in his heart for the tall, dark and grumpy ninja. No one particularly cared why or even that Fai harassed Kurogane, they were all just ecstatic that the prince was bothering him, and not them.

The King was a wise monarch and in ordering Fai out for this walk he had distracted the prince completely from has inquisition. No servants or diplomats were dragged into Fai's rooms, only one poor ninja had to suffer at Fai's humours, and really is being forced to give a grown man piggy back rides really so awful?

"Get back here you royal pain in the ass!" Kurogane yelled has he chased Fai. Apparently the prince had now stolen the ninja's sword and was having a delightful time playing keep-away. It was that Kurogane couldn't overpower the prince, he was physically stronger, and bigger, not to mention immensely well trained, it was simply that one did not beat a prince into the ground, not matter what the cause. Even he was Fai. Even if he had stolen Kurogane's precious sword. It was in bad form to beat the crap out of royalty, even though Fai would have damn well deserved it. It wasn't all that hard for Kurogane to take his sword back from the hysterical prince who at this point was more or less rolling on the ground laughing like a loon. Kurogane was simply annoyed that Fai was incapable of behaving like a proper prince. In this case proper form included specifically not jumping, and hanging off of one's body guards.

Night finally fell and Kurogane was able to escape his charge. The prince to his supper with the King

and Queen, Kurogane took his with the other guards. At first a few brave guards teased Kurogane for his torment at the hands of the prince, but one dark glare for the very irritable ninja and all jokes were silent. By the standards of most of the nights passed at the guards table, this one was almost completely silent.

Kurogane tried not to let his mood ruin his night. After a quiet meal, the ninja escaped to his quarters, sadly directly off the princes, and immersed himself in a decadent bath. There was always some sort of random plus side to every job a ninja was put on. The internal access to hot water and bathing oils was definitely the plus side to this task.

"Kuro-pii!" Fai called from his own rooms. "Kuro-pipi!"

The ninja raised his head from his bath and glared at his bathroom door. There was no choice really. Fai was his liege and it was Kurogane's duty to come when called. Kurogane dried and dress quickly, giving his bath one last mournful look before he left his own quarters and entered Prince Fai's.

Fai was standing next to his massive bed in his night dress with his hands on his hips. The prince beamed when he saw his ninja. Fai leaped onto Kurogane, wrapping his arms around the taller man's next and taking a deep breath.

"Mmm!" Fai exclaimed with pleasure. "You smell like apple blossoms!"

"You interrupted my bath!" Kurogane growled as he tried to wrestle off the blond, blue eyed irritant.

After a moment Fai willingly disengaged himself and returned to standing next to his bed. Kurogane looked at him blanky and asked: "Why did you call me in here?"

"You are going to test my bed!" Fai exclaimed.

"This again?" Kurogane rolled his eyes and grumbled. "I'm a ninja, I find the ground comfortable.

"Poor Kuro-roo," Fai walked over to Kurogane and reached up, patting the ninja on the head in sympathy. "But you are testing my bed!"

The prince grabbed Kurogane by the arm and dragged the ninja to the bed. With a quick shove to Kurogane's chest, the ninja was on his back, sunk into the miles of goose-down bedding covering Fai's oversized bed. Kurogane lay there silently looking up and the prince who had returned his hands to his hips and was smiling down at the other man.

"Is it comfy?" Fai asked.

"I guess," Kurogane replied without any commitment.

Fai looked down at the ninja with his head tilted to the side. He watched the ninja carefully. Kurogane's long legs hung over the side of the bed. He was fully dress in his usual all black monstrosity. That couldn't be comfortable to lie in. It really couldn't.

"Lie down properly," Fai instructed. Kurogane grumbled but obeyed, and after a little shifting the lanky ninja was laying with his head on Fai's pillows. The bedding was decadent and ostentatious; Kurogane was sure he would disappear in all of it. One awkward observation Kurogane had was that the bedding smelled exactly like Fai. There was a lingering scent of spice on everything.

Fai looked down and Kurogane. The ninja was apparently a little distracted so it was the perfect opportunity to give Kuro-min a good once over. His clothes really did not look comfy. The black shirt and armour, the black pants and boots. Really, Kurogane did not dress for comfort at all. Fai walked around the bed and climbed on stopping once he was kneeling next to his body guard. At least Kuro-ro wasn't wearing his silly cape. Capes were not meant to be lain in. No they were not, absolutely not. But then, Kuro-oo's clothes were really not suited to laying on beds at all. Odd reasoning or not, it was enough. Fai hovered over Kurogane with a mischievous look on his face. He reached his hands over the front of Kurogane's shirt and began to unbutton it.

"What the Hell are you doing?" Kurogane demanded as he grabbed Fai's hands.

"You can't really tell if the bed is comfy or not when you are wearing uncomfy clothes," Fai explained simply.

"What the Hell..." Kurogane caught Fai's hands again as the prince attempted to return to his activities.

The prince pouted down and Kurogane and jumped on the dark haired man. Fai straddled Kurogane and pulled briskly on Kurogane's shirt. A distinct sound of ripping buttons filled the air. Kurogane caught Fai's hands over and over, but Fai simply brushed them off.

"Be a could boy and do as Master tells you," Fai teased and ordered at the same time.

Kurogane growled up at Fai who only smiled down at him. Fai actually frowned a moment later. He stared intently at the ninja making Kurogane squirm. Kurogane smelt delicious, and really looked better. Fai was impulsive, at least that was what everyone always said. The prince pressed his hands down inside Kurogane's mutilated shirt and left them on Kurogane's bare chest. The irritated ninja felt nice and warm. Soft and squishy but hard all at the same time. Fai leaned down against Kurogane as he pulled the other man's shirt completely open and began work on Kurogane's pants.

"Have you lost what little mind you had?" Kurogane demanded.

"Your too loud," Fai commented, ignoring Kurogane's question.

"Get you hands off my pants!" Kurogane snapped in what was nearly a shriek.

"Too loud," Fai muttered. There had to be a way of silencing Kurogane. Fai moved his face within nose to nose distance of Kurogane's face. Kurogane glowered up at Fai, Fai simply smiled as an idea hit him. The prince pressed his hands against the pillow on either side of Kurogane's head before capturing his ninja in a kiss.

"Gah!" Kurogane yelped as he tried to get away.

"Nah ah," Fai scolded before reclaiming Kurogane's mouth.

When the Sun rose and cast a ray of light across Kurogane's face the ninja finally woke up. He was completely naked with the prince sprawled over and around him still in his night shirt. Kurogane's face went beat red. Fai nuzzled his face into Kurogane's neck. The prince chuckled down at the ninja: "You make the perfect mattress."

"What?" Kurogane demanded an explanation.

"You're soft, squishy and hard all at the same time."

Curses and crashes were hurt throughout the palace. Cries of pain, and glass breaking were clearly originating from the princes rooms. Normally the guards would investigate, but upon noting the absence of Kurogane from his own rooms, His Majesty ordered them off.

"He had it coming."

Fin

Author's Note: I bet you were expecting a lemon. Sorry but I felt this way was funnier. If you bribe me with fan art of this fic I will write a lemon for you.


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